By Kayla Hammer
In this day and age, Google has just about everything you can ever wish for. The same goes for social media. With the rise of AI bots and algorithms constantly pushing content based on what users are clicking on or what seems to be the latest trend it’s easy to get overwhelmed or misled. One major trend that took off during COVID was wellness and health-improvement blogs. I personally went deep into that world. I spent months researching, experimenting, journaling, and trying to “fix” myself. Nothing seemed to work until I realized that personal growth isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s more like a puzzle you need different pieces to come together in the right way for things to click.
What I’ve come to believe is this: no matter where you’re starting from or what you’re dealing with, change is possible. Your path might not look like everyone else’s, but you can still move forward.
After diving deep into the self-improvement world, I hit a wall. Despite physical and mental improvements, I still felt like something was missing. For me, that missing piece was social skills. It’s an area that’s often overlooked in self-help spaces, maybe because people assume social challenges are too specific to each person. But I started noticing patterns in my own behavior things that, if improved, could significantly change how I connect with others.
Here are five social habits I noticed in myself, along with a few practical tips I’ve learned to improve each one:
1. Speaking too loudly at the wrong time
This one used to throw off the vibe of conversations. I wasn’t trying to be rude, but my volume would suddenly spike especially when I got excited or nervous.
Tips to improve:
● Pause and breathe before you speak. This helps regulate both volume and tone.
● Match the room. Take a second to observe how loudly others are speaking and mirror that.
● Record yourself. Listening to your own voice in different contexts helps you build awareness of your volume.
2. Saying random things mid-conversation or blurting out weird thoughts
Sometimes I’d interrupt or toss out something totally unrelated it came from excitement, but it often confused people.
Tips to improve:
● Mentally note your thought. Instead of saying it immediately, jot it down or hold onto it until it’s relevant.
● Practice “wait time.” Give yourself a few seconds to consider if what you’re about to say adds to the current topic.
● Stay present. Try to focus more on listening than responding—it reduces random thought blurts.
3. Sharing opinions too early or too often
I wanted to contribute to conversations, but sometimes I would jump in too fast or come off too intense.
Tips to improve:
● Ask before offering advice. Saying something like “Can I share what I think?” shows respect and adds space.
● Limit yourself. Make it a game: don’t offer your take until at least three others have spoken.
● Stay curious. Lead with curiosity rather than judgment—it keeps things balanced.
4. Conversational quirks: Eye contact, fidgeting, picking fingers
These little behaviors seem small, but they affect how others perceive your presence and engagement.
Tips to improve:
● Practice soft eye contact. Look between someone’s eyes or at the bridge of their nose if direct contact feels intense.
● Hold something. A smooth stone, stress ball, or ring can replace finger picking during conversations.
● Record social interactions. If possible, watch yourself to become aware of habits you can shift gradually.
5. Asking better questions—but at the right pace
I realized that I either didn’t ask enough questions, or I asked too many, too fast—making conversations feel like interviews.
Tips to improve:
● Use the “comment-question” method. Say something short in response, then follow up with a question.
● Be patient. Let the other person speak fully before jumping to your next question.
● Stick to open-ended questions. These spark more natural, flowing conversations (e.g., “What was that like for you?” instead of “Did you like it?”)
The big takeaway here isn’t that you need to change your hobbies, personality, or who you are to be liked. It’s about identifying the small social habits that might be holding you back—and choosing to grow in those areas. Social skills are just that: skills. That means they can be learned, refined, and improved over time, no matter where you’re starting from.
