“Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy” – Saadi
The more I go out the more I dislike going out. The other night I had to take care of some neighbors who were getting sick. Then the next night I walked in on my own roommate passed out on the bathroom floor. It is so hard to be friends with people that party to this excess. I am not saying its bad to party and if I had not done it early, I would be in the same boat. It is just very difficult. It is really really hard to make friends when you don’t rush a sorority and you don’t enjoy going out. I am finding that I still haven’t made any meaningful and lasting connections here. The real issue with the not going out and not rushing a sorority is that it feels like other girls are getting closer through these experiences. For those of you that took the path I did, it isn’t an easy one in regards to being true to yourself. It would be easy for me to just pretend that I enjoy going out and partying, or pretending I was really into the sorority thing, but at the end of the day I wouldn’t be me. So for those of you who are struggling right now, I just keep telling myself that when I do make friends, they will be real genuine relationships where I can truly be myself, and that is worth the wait. It is really hard to be friends with people who aren’t on the same level of maturity as me. No matter how hard I try I find myself feeling so unfulfilled in these small superficial interactions.
Tomorrow is my club fair here at school and I am going to try to get involved in some clubs, hoping that I can make connections to people with similar interests. I am not one to generate conversation, so it is extremely hard and completely out of my comfort zone to go up to people and just start talking to them, and therefore a club will give me the structure and just simply the opportunity to reach out. I am also meeting with my Professor to get some advice on things I can do on campus to make some more connections. I also texted my PA about ways I can get involved with student life on campus as well. Lastly, I am also looking into getting a part time job as well, hoping I will meet people there too. These avenues have offered me some choices for a social life, because the partying and the sorority social spheres simply do not interest me anymore.
Today was a really hard day though. My roommate is rushing a sorority and hearing her talk about all the friends she is making and all the activities she has planned just really makes it all worse. I can’t shake this melancholy feeling. I walk around all day observing, and I want so bad to be participating. The campus is always buzzing with the sound of people. People laughing, people playing, and people just seemingly having what I want so badly, a good time. I go from being on the verge of tears one moment, to being just ok the next and all the while trying to tell myself that it will get better and I will meet people. It is just really really hard. I still miss home, now even more than ever. I just want to find even just one person. Still waiting……